Saying NO

Say “NO” without guilt. Say “YES” without fear.

Paulo Coelho

Do you feel guilty when you say no to someone?

Whether they’re asking you for of coffee to pick your brains, or just need someone to help them out, do you find it difficult to reject the favour?

You’re not alone.

You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no!

Saying no is hard, and there’s often a feeling of guilt accompanying the word no.

Know that you are in good company because, Oprah Winfrey has confessed she struggles with “the disease to please” as she describes it in her book, ‘What I Know for Sure’.

Nevertheless, between family responsibilities, work deadlines, and never-ending laundry piles, we’re pressed for time to whittle down our own to-do list, let alone help with someone else’s.

But what can you do?

You don’t want to let anybody down and yet isn’t what makes us human the ability to come together and work as a team?

Do you feel bad if someone would say no to you when you were asking for their help?

Why would you want to make someone else feel that way?

When you say YES to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself.

Paulo Coelho

The truth is it is your anxious mind playing tricks with you. The need to please people and this situation requires a change in mindset.

Say Yes to Others, Say No to Yourself!

Think about this; when you say NO to someone else, you’re saying YES to you!

Every single day, you’re making choices that have a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ answer. When you’re choosing to spend your time, and more importantly, your energy, on something, you’re actively choosing not to spend it on other things.

A lot of the time, it can feel like these favours are genuinely and deeply important.

Instead, it’s time to take back control of your life and your time. Be aware of your time and allocate it appropriately with you as high priority, this way you are better able to allocate some of your time for favours.

Things, a lot of the time, could be genuinely and deeply important to us. Instead, it’s time to take back control of your life and your time, of course, still allowing you to help other people, but also allowing you to spend time on yourself.

In any of these five everyday situations, you may need to say no and say no guilt-free. I promise, saying no won’t make you a sucky friend, it might even make you a better friend. There’s a certain amount of respect that comes with being able to say no to someone.

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option!

Here are some situations where it may be best to stay mindful of the situation.

1. If It Requires You to Change Your Plans:

You made plans for a reason, and you owe it to yourself to fulfil them.

If you’re on your way to Pilates when your neighbour asks you to pop in and help her hang a painting, say, “Sorry, Cheryl. I’m on my way to a class. Why don’t you text me and we can set up a time for later?”

Problem solved.

2. If You’re Given Less Than 24 Hours’ Notice:

You love your best friend from high school, but she keeps asking you to help with some advice for an upcoming client presentation.

You want to scream because you’ve got a million-and-one other things on your mind.

Instead, let her know you’re in the middle of something right now, but would be happy to carve out an evening to go over the presentation in greater detail.

Advice and some focused time? She can’t say no to that.

3. If It Makes You Feel Uncomfortable:

A friend of a friend who’s trying to get her child into your preschool texts out of the blue to ask for a letter of recommendation.

You don’t want to be rude, but guess what? You don’t know this kid, and can’t vouch for him. It’s completely acceptable to tell this person you don’t feel comfortable speaking on Timmy’s behalf because you don’t have a ton of insight into whether he’d be a good fit.

Throw in a cursory “thanks for thinking of me”, and you’re good to go.

4. If You’re Already Feeling Overwhelmed:

Adulting is hard, and there are some days when it’s all you can do to stay afloat.

If you’re barely holding it together with your own obligations, it’s not the right time to add anything else to your plate. Any good friend will respect your honesty and appreciate the lesson in self-preservation.

5. If It Leads to Resentment:

You’re only hurting yourself if you agree to do a favour, all the while rolling your eyes and muttering under your breath.

When you notice a sense of anxiety or resentment toward a friend’s request, nip it in the bud by saying no or offering a solution that feels more palatable.

To the pal who’s always asking you to watch here dog so she can travel the world: You can’t look after Buddy this time around, but you heard there’s a fabulous pet hotel right down the street.

It's easy to say no when there is a deeper yes burning inside.

Stephen Covey

Your Time and Energy is a Resource

Next time someone asks you for a favour, stop and think about the above tips and see if doing the favour is worth it, or you can fit into your life right now.

Saying no is not about being mean or selfish; it's about looking after you and your obligations first.

I often hear from people who struggle to say no, that sometimes when they they reach out to friends and ask them for a favour, they are told no.

If you are always saying YES and the favour is not returned, resentment can set in.

Say NO to feeling like you are being taken advantage of and say YES to you! Say YES to your goals and plans, say YES to your friendship, all this is possible just by saying NO.

Let me ask you this simple question “If you say yes to the favour, what are you saying no to?”

"It is only by saying NO that you can concentrate on the things that are really important". Steve Jobs

Next time you have to say NO say it guilt free and be strong!

Remember to live your life with confidence!

Chat soon

Natalie

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